Do you still have your period?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
