I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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