I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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