Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
