Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize