Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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