I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drunk is not a location!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
