Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
