Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is my gift to your gina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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