you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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