can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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