I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
