I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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