Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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