If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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