His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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