Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
