If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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