Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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