textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
