Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
