i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
