just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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