he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
a search helicopter?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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