He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
handjob tips. give me some.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
