Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize