why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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