i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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