I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
