I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
