yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ugly people sure do ruin things
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
