you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
