I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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