You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You pole danced in your parka.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
