She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
