Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you had me at cake vodka
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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