I didn't shave. On purpose
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
