dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
