he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
