just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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