1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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