there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
