i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
