Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
