miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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