I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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