My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
