I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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