he shaved USA in his pubs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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