would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
