I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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