I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
