You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize