that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
