yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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