ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
