im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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