We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
