Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
