Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if only i could text you this smell
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
