I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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