i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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