Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
