i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
