He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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