just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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