you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
