I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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