youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The best revenge is premature balding
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you had me at cake vodka
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize