In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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