every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
