I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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