Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
