if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
