the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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