Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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