good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
